Fun with Search Engine Terms

29 05 2008

Today, I am playing a favorite game among bloggers: Make Fun of Ridiculous Searches.  While I should probably just be happy that I’m getting some traffic, I can’t help but laugh at some of these.  They are all actual, unedited, search terms that have resulted in someone viewing my blog.  If you wrote one of these, don’t take it personally, it’s all in good fun.

1. where is polenta in the grocery store

A: Yes.

2. what can you use if you don’t have a sha

A: Don’t you hate it when you run out of sha?  I mean, when the search engine cuts off your query?  For the sake of argument, I have come up with some possible endings to this question, and some answers to the resulting questions.

…shaker?  Well, James Bond aside, I always went with Auntie Mame on this one anyway.  “Stirred, never shaken, bruises the gin.”

…shark?  Easy, just get one at the market.

I would have bought this today, but I didn\'t want it to get dirty on the Metro

…sham?  I find pillowcases to be more than adequate.

…sharp knife?  Um, your teeth?  Or just sharpen it.

…sharpener?  With a whetstone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, whetstone!

3. is oatmeal cookies good for hearth

A: You mean like open hearth baking?  I’ve never tried that.  However, I’m afraid that what you need is some help conjugating verbs.  Not my area of expertise.

4. how to draw a croque

A: From my French-English dictionary: croquer (verb): 1. to crunch; 2. to sketch.  Not sure how you would go about drawing that.  A croquis is a sketch, but as far as I can tell, there is no tangible object that goes by the name “croque.”  And “how to draw a sketch” is a bit redundant, is it not?

5. finding bugs in soup

A: Ok, so this isn’t exactly a question, but it is my favorite search term so far.  I laughed out loud when I saw it, because I know exactly why this person was directed to my site, and yet they couldn’t possibly have found what they were looking for.  If you’re out there, I have a question for you: why are you Googling this?  (Or Ask-ing, or Yahoo!-ing, or whatever it is you kids do these days.)  Are you looking for bugs in your soup?  Do you want them there?  Are you one of those litigious types trying to find a restaurant to sue?  Are you an entomologist who studies the rare soup-dwelling onion beetle?

Well, that was fun.  See you next time!








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